An outsider looking in...

I don't know why I feel this way, but I always have. I suppose it is the double-consciousness that DuBois spoke of, although I argue that I have quadruple-consciousness (I will explain below), that makes me have this mindset. I am fine with it, but it is extremely hard for other people to understand. Although I am an American born citizen, I never felt a sense of belonging in this country. And while I can appreciate the progress that has been made, the simple fact is that we are equal and we need equal protection under the law.

This sort of serves as my reaction to DuBois' notions (a Black feminist critique one may say) at times, and just my stance on race, gender, class, and life as a heterosexual.

The first mode of consciousness I have is my gender. DuBois, although he didn't speak of sex (in biological sense) in his work that shaped me so much, Souls of Black Folks, the message was clear. He was advocating for the rise of Black man, and I am fine with that, but you can't forget your sisters. Our community is known for this solidarity between its brothers and sisters, so we must now build each other up. So if the first Black man to receive a Ph.D didn't acknowledge that women mattered to, that's an issue. I always had the mindset that I am equal to any and every man. That has gotten me in trouble in life, and people have falsely labeled me a lesbian, but no I am not. I am sorry to burst your bubble. I am a feminist, first and foremost. I believe in gender equality. And just to clarify, at no time would I put down lesbianism or any other sexual orientation. I am a fierce ally of the cause of ending heterosexism, promoting diversity, and accepting/respecting lifestyles of other than our own.

My second mode of consciousness, and this gets me in even more trouble, stems from my views on class. I am a leftist. I don't like to say socialist or communist, b/c the labels are not the same for one and the negativity attached to them bogs people down. I adhere to the principles of the left. I am a Marxist. The Communist Manifesto made so much sense to me when I read it. People may think "well you are a Black American woman, of course you like the ideology b/c it evens the playing field." Yes, that is true, but I also am the child of two parents who worked hard for us to live comfortably. I know the value of a dollar and I love the thrill of spending it, but I also respect the work that goes behind getting that dollar. I respect the workers, because I am one and I hail from workers. Some people are born with privilege (money/attractive qualities/artistic talent that leads to $), and they never have to labor a day out of their lives. But most people work hard, all day/everyday, and never can live comfortably (not lavish, comfortably). That is a problem. I saw my parents struggle to make it, but we always made it. I vowed to myself that I could never go through so much to make a decent life for myself and my children, so I adopted the belief that education was the best way to guarantee a good life. With my education, I didn't want to become specialized in a field that would provide me with no joy and that didn't give back, like majoring in business, etc. So I dedicated my time to studying the social constructions of society and how these institutions have impacted humanity in the past. I am a history major and I firmly believe that we as a people, the human race, need to realize that what we are doing is wrong. We haven't learned lessons from the past. We can't simply give lip service to the tenets of liberalism, and live a lifestyle that contradicts it. That's why my leftist leaning drives me to be a community college professor, so I can educate the upcoming generation on the failures and legacy of individuals and groups in the past and inspire them to make the future brighter. So people may wonder why at a community college, and it's again tied to the idea of serving everyday people, and not seeking tenure at a prestigious University to give myself a false sense of validity. Community colleges lay the foundation for many who want to achieve higher education, yet may not have the means to do so. It makes perfect sense to me that a good liberal would work here, because one would hope that their students would go on to receive BAs, BSs, MAs, MBAs, Ph.Ds, law degrees, etc. That is why I can appreciate my professors from Richland so much more. They are amazing. :) My love for liberalism also impacts my dietary choices (I used to be a vegetarian for years, but now I am a pescetarian :/ but I know that the consumption of animal products does harm to your body and to the Earth), my love for the Earth, the planet that we are supposed to take care of (so I am environmentalist), and the need to love myself the way I am, but knowing that I can always make improvements (so I advocate feminism, so women do not have to go through extreme measures for body acceptance).

The third form of consciousness is race, and yes it is far down on the list for a reason. I said in an earlier blog that I don't look at race as much as gender and class b/c I think it is trivial, and I stand by it. In regards to race, it is a sociological phenomenon. I enjoy studying groups, but there is nothing innate in a member of the dominant group that makes them better than us. I am an ethnic collectivist, so I say US a lot. I support all people of color, so I never latched on to Black identity as others did. I felt all people of color were in the same boat, and when would we realize that we can not tear each other down buy dividing ourselves. I also don't subscribe to the mindset that claims that one ethnic group has had it worse than the other, so while I appreciate and have to understand my history as a Black American, that does not define me nor will I let it limit me. I am not bitter towards White people, well because I grew up with them and they were my friends, still are. I don't think it's fair to anyone when you limit the people you interact with based on false, preconceived notions about race. I can't stand it. So I don't and won't allow that negativity to limit the people I interact with. I think being a Texan people still find that hard to believe, but we need to get with the times. It's like there are two Americas still, and that's sad. It's not Black America and White America or a Union and a Confederacy anymore. We need to realize that & accept life and the world we live in now for what it is, a place where Whites learn from Blacks and Latinos, Jews learn from Asians, Native Americans learn from those of Middle Eastern descent, etc. Oh it will be a lovely day when people stop using race as a privilege.

And last but not least is my take on sexual orientation and my goal to always be conscious of the actions towards homosexuals/trans-gendered individuals, etc. As stated before, I am a heterosexual, but a devout feminist, so I think that has a huge impact on my views of heterosexuality and the treatment of the LGBT community. I view sexuality as something that you are born with, and if a man was born to love men, or a woman was born to love women, who are we (speaking as a heterosexual) to judge them? Why are people in power so afraid of extending the civil rights that the LGBT deserves and has (b/c there is no where in the Constitution that says one's rights are stripped away just because they love someone you don't approve of). So we need to do away with this heterosexist nonsense, and realize that male-female relationships are not the norm and we have no right nor basis to discriminate against anyone based on sexual orientation.

So this is where I stand... I am 23 year-old college student, who sees the world as it should be, but no one else seems to understand. It is very upsetting and disheartening at times, but I hope more people can look at the world through my eyes. We are all connected to each other through the common bond called humanity, and it is sad to me that we constantly find ways to become more and more detached and solitary. When will this madness end, and we all love one another?!?!?! It's so sad. I wonder what God thinks about us... Sigh.

love.peace.soul

Allicia

Poor Jessica Simpson...

And I mean that with all seriousness. I am not being sarcastic or facetious at all...

What some people may not know about me is that I am a just as enthralled by pop culture, as I am by politics/social reform. I think it adds for an interesting mix when I can bring the two together. In all honesty, I wish I could be a cultural critic, and I can. I just need to have a lot more background knowledge, because I want to be able to back up what I'm saying. That's how I think. It's the history major/women's studies minor (soon to be grad student I hope...) nerd in me...

Ok, back story. Apparently every one's favorite former Mtv reality star, tuna fish mistaker, and Cowboys jinxer (sorry I live in Dallas and still can't get over the influence she has over Romo) Jessica Simpson has picked up some weight, and performed at a Chili festival last weekend. Ok. So? Well fans (if you would call someone a fan who openly criticizes you that) and the media have been in a ruckus over her weight gain. Ok? I'm trying to find out why this is bad and going to make her star fade even faster. She gained weight, but she is still healthy and very pretty. I have seen the pictures, and I am seriously trying to find out what is wrong. I mean I didn't like the outfit, but that's neither here nor there. Her sister, Ashlee, and her husband, Fall Out Boy drummer, Pete Wentz, as well as my favorite Armenian-American Kim Karadashian (haha), have made comments on the media's negative depiction of not only Jessica, but all women. Yes it is not sending a positive example to young girls, teenagers, young women, heck any woman, for the media to consistently blast women in the public for their weight or beauty. We should have seen this coming with the Tyra Banks and Jennifer Love Hewitt nonsense. But I guess what is more disturbing is the fact that the media does it to a point where these female celebrities become addicted to God knows what in order to attain some unnatural standard of beauty. Remember Lindsey Lohan and Nicole Richie's epic battles with weight to the point they had to go to rehab.

As I sit and type this, I try to think of a way to wrap this up, but my mind is just wondering. Ok so it's something that Kim Kardashian said about Jessica Simpson that opened the can of worms. In the article I read today, it stated that Kardashian claims that she is twice the size of Simpson, and she is like she now wonders what do people think about her. Ok now this is where the woman's studies and history major nerd part in me comes out. Think about some of the famous ethnic minority female celebrities? Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce (whose weight goes up and down... but she is famous b/c she sang out being Bootylicious), Tyra Banks (who was also criticized for gaining weight... but that's another blog), Kim Kardashian, and Selma Hayek to name a few. They are all sex symbols, and why? The curves. Ok now think of a curvy modern White female celebrity that is considered a sex symbol? No seriously, I am thinking. Scarlett Johansson? Not really. That makes no sense that I literately can't think of one. And Pamela Anderson and her over-sized silicone chest doesn't count as curvy. No, wait. Jennifer Love Hewitt was named television's sexiest star last year, so there's my one.

On the other hand, think of legendary White sex symbols... My personal favorites b/c they are stunning and loved their work, Marilyn Monroe and Jayne Mansfield, and both are and were considered curvy women. Monroe was a size 12 for crying out loud, and considered the sexiest woman who ever lived. So how have we moved from there to now? Jessica Simpson isn't even a size 12, and she is getting dragged through the mud and called fat left and right. While Kim Kardashian is claiming to be double the size of Simpson, is never referred to as fat in the media and people always applaud her for her body. So wait, what? There's a racial beauty double standard? Clearly there is.

I don't mean to be controversial or anything of that nature, it's honestly the truth. Look at the people that are considered sexy now. And put then put them in a "White" and "Minority" category, and while there are some that don't fit (Halle Berry, for one, is not that curvy), the fact still remains that women of color are allowed to have extra weight on them in certain places and folks, across the racial and class spectrum, love it. Then just think about people in your life as well, and see if it rings true. Why is that? Is it considered exotic? Is having a fuller figure and embracing it, but not being quote on quote fat, sexy b/c society believes one is promiscuous? B/c having hips and a behind is not fat, for a little fyi. I do wonder! Good questions, and I can't answer them.

I think about the FB note that my friend Mickey wrote last week, and it makes me even more upset b/c some thin women of color have come to not accept their bodies b/c they are ridiculed and mocked for being skinny. It's like they aren't living up to the minority beauty standard. It's all a bunch of nonsense. Word to the wise, accept your bodies ladies. Don't let society, your family, etc bring you down b/c what you look like. I follow the old saying "real women have curves" and Jay-Z logic "My physical is a shell", and always have even before he articulated it, so I never had any major body issues. I mean we all have insecurities, and things we want to improve, but that's life. I know what matters is what I believe in and how I treat others. Yes it is corny, but what matters is what's on the inside. I wish people would come to accept that and themselves, especially all my sistren. And yes that's a word. Hahaha.

peace.love.soul.

Allicia